Dear Feddie, Gloria keeps it to cold in this house. She truns the air down way to low. I always have to put a shirt on when I come upstairs. All I have in my workshop is a couple of fans. That,s cools me just fine. I found that old photo the other day. The one with me and you and Rosemary and bill on that pony. You are holding your teddy bear like you always use to do. I wonder if you still sleep with a teddy bear. Perhaps you do. I don.t remenber much about those years so long ago. Can,t remenber or never knew what happen to you. I know mama loved you more than me bill and maybe Rosemary back then. I don,t know if mama and daddy sent you away. Or if someone came and took you from us. I did,nt know at that time what mental retardation ment. To us you were the big brother.
I know That I hated to come to that place they had you in. Most of The kids down there were a lot worst off than you were. Some were in wheel chairs. Some had ugly faces. Some were put behind bars. Like you they could not talk. Would mess in thier pants. Would pee where they stood. The caretakers there would all would carry belts. I,m sure they beat those kids. I wish you had never got sick and went to that hell hole. I could,nt stand to go there with mama and daddy to see you. Mama would always cry. I wish you could have been there the day that gang of kids jumged on me, Bill and Rosemary. They tried to take that rabbit from bill. They hit us with sticks and rocks. We was fighting back. But we where geting beat up petty bad. They busted my nose and head. Bill and rosemary had blood all over them. But we got in our hits too. They rip that rabbit to pieces. But it never left Bill,s hands. He still had what was left of it when those men stop the fighting. It would have been good to have two more fist on our side. I wish you could have been there that day that monster tried to rape and murder Rosemary. The image of that blade at Rosemary,s throat was burned into my brain forever.
That was the day Anthony died and Jack was born. That that was fear and imtimadation. Be came rage and revenge. I lived for years with a dagger in my heart and a monster in my pocket.
I wish you could have been there to help me deal with all of Rosemary,s jerk hubans and boyfiernds. I wish you could have been there the day we had to put Angelia in the grave. I wish you could have been there when we had to put Rosemary in the grave. I wish you could have been there when we put Daddy, Mama, and Grandmama in the grave. I wish you could have been there when young Ted shot himseft. During those months and years. Ted reach out of his grave and pulled the dagger out of my heart. And killed the monster in my pocket. Jack died. And John was born.
You've seen Gloria a few times. God sent her to me when I was 18. She was 15. We,ve been together 40 years. Bill moved away. Everybody else is gone. I don,t know if you remenber me. Maybe as a boy. Maybe as a man. Perhaps you wonder why I come no more.
Maybe one day we can moved away from this place. Find a place with cool sweet wind and light rain. A place with tall trees and lakes of cold blue water. A place where flowers of all colors grow everwhere you see. A place with hills and light blue sky. A place where thier are no rapest. No murderers. No pimps. No drug dealers. No child molesters. No bombs. No bullets. No monsters to kill us or to be killed by us. Maybe we can sit and talk about these things. And maybe you will forgive me.
