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Monster in my pocket

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Monster in my pocket

Postby johnwalkeasy » Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:25 pm

Dear Feddie, Gloria keeps it to cold in this house. She truns the air down way to low. I always have to put a shirt on when I come upstairs. All I have in my workshop is a couple of fans. That,s cools me just fine. I found that old photo the other day. The one with me and you and Rosemary and bill on that pony. You are holding your teddy bear like you always use to do. I wonder if you still sleep with a teddy bear. Perhaps you do. I don.t remenber much about those years so long ago. Can,t remenber or never knew what happen to you. I know mama loved you more than me bill and maybe Rosemary back then. I don,t know if mama and daddy sent you away. Or if someone came and took you from us. I did,nt know at that time what mental retardation ment. To us you were the big brother.
I know That I hated to come to that place they had you in. Most of The kids down there were a lot worst off than you were. Some were in wheel chairs. Some had ugly faces. Some were put behind bars. Like you they could not talk. Would mess in thier pants. Would pee where they stood. The caretakers there would all would carry belts. I,m sure they beat those kids. I wish you had never got sick and went to that hell hole. I could,nt stand to go there with mama and daddy to see you. Mama would always cry. I wish you could have been there the day that gang of kids jumged on me, Bill and Rosemary. They tried to take that rabbit from bill. They hit us with sticks and rocks. We was fighting back. But we where geting beat up petty bad. They busted my nose and head. Bill and rosemary had blood all over them. But we got in our hits too. They rip that rabbit to pieces. But it never left Bill,s hands. He still had what was left of it when those men stop the fighting. It would have been good to have two more fist on our side. I wish you could have been there that day that monster tried to rape and murder Rosemary. The image of that blade at Rosemary,s throat was burned into my brain forever.
That was the day Anthony died and Jack was born. That that was fear and imtimadation. Be came rage and revenge. I lived for years with a dagger in my heart and a monster in my pocket.
I wish you could have been there to help me deal with all of Rosemary,s jerk hubans and boyfiernds. I wish you could have been there the day we had to put Angelia in the grave. I wish you could have been there when we had to put Rosemary in the grave. I wish you could have been there when we put Daddy, Mama, and Grandmama in the grave. I wish you could have been there when young Ted shot himseft. During those months and years. Ted reach out of his grave and pulled the dagger out of my heart. And killed the monster in my pocket. Jack died. And John was born.
You've seen Gloria a few times. God sent her to me when I was 18. She was 15. We,ve been together 40 years. Bill moved away. Everybody else is gone. I don,t know if you remenber me. Maybe as a boy. Maybe as a man. Perhaps you wonder why I come no more.
Maybe one day we can moved away from this place. Find a place with cool sweet wind and light rain. A place with tall trees and lakes of cold blue water. A place where flowers of all colors grow everwhere you see. A place with hills and light blue sky. A place where thier are no rapest. No murderers. No pimps. No drug dealers. No child molesters. No bombs. No bullets. No monsters to kill us or to be killed by us. Maybe we can sit and talk about these things. And maybe you will forgive me.
Perfection is what drives an artist.
The inability to achieve perfection is what creates a work of art.
John A. Barandon
http://steelbronze.vpweb.com
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Postby Erika Takacs » Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:43 am

John, this is like a poem, it's so personal and so universal. It made me cry. Erika
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Postby Ricardo » Sun Jul 08, 2007 2:00 pm

Very deep John,

Have you ever wondered why some of us have gone through so much? I find myself asking that question. The only answer I have so far is that I create my best paintings when I am in turmoil. Could it be that you are the artist that you are today because of your life experiences. Life is a journey that is hard for some but way harder for some of us. And it is up to us to turn that anger, pain, sadness, or whatever that might be, into an awesome creation instead of destruction and revenge. I create therefore I am. It is your best tool use it and when you are done leave whatever is bugging you there with it. This is the only way I can continue to achieve my goal. Thinking that I refuse to die a "starving artists' no matter what I go through and no matter who steps on my little dream keeps me going. Yes, indeed this is a poem and what a poem.
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Postby johnwalkeasy » Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:17 pm

Portrit of Freddie and John. Oil on Birch 49" x 49" 2007
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Picture 10080.jpg (147.85 KiB)
Perfection is what drives an artist.
The inability to achieve perfection is what creates a work of art.
John A. Barandon
http://steelbronze.vpweb.com
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Postby ehoeveler » Fri Jul 20, 2007 4:29 am

I'm glad you are writing and painting these things out. Keep up the good work. E
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Postby johnwalkeasy » Sun Jul 29, 2007 4:53 pm

My sister, Rosemary died at age 52 in 1998. She was found dead in the hallway of her house. She died as she lived, Alone. As unhappy as she always was. When her 20 year girl, Angelia was hit and killed by a train at a railroad crossing. She went evan deeper into a shell. We don,t really know what was the cause of Rosemary,s death. Perhaps a heart issue. I think maybe she just had enought of life. A life that was not kind to her.
Perfection is what drives an artist.
The inability to achieve perfection is what creates a work of art.
John A. Barandon
http://steelbronze.vpweb.com
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Postby johnwalkeasy » Sun Jul 29, 2007 4:57 pm

Portrait of Rosemary. Oil on Birch, 26 x 30, 2007
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Picture 10094.jpg
Picture 10094.jpg (61.09 KiB)
Perfection is what drives an artist.
The inability to achieve perfection is what creates a work of art.
John A. Barandon
http://steelbronze.vpweb.com
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Postby johnwalkeasy » Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:29 pm

Anthony, Jack, and John. Oil on Aluminum 28x40 2007
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Picture 10109.jpg
Picture 10109.jpg (66.6 KiB)
Perfection is what drives an artist.
The inability to achieve perfection is what creates a work of art.
John A. Barandon
http://steelbronze.vpweb.com
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Postby FreeSky » Sun Aug 19, 2007 4:12 am

Hi John, I am new in here. I don't know your story, but from your posts and your paintings, I feel your heart and know what you think. I know that is very hard to show and tell others how you feel because that feeling is wordless, no word can describe at all. By the way, I love your sculptures very very much. I wish I am able to do it. Nice to meet you and hope you feel better very soon.

FreeSky
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Postby johnwalkeasy » Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:12 pm

Portriat of Ted.
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Picture 150.jpg
Picture 150.jpg (66.22 KiB)
Perfection is what drives an artist.
The inability to achieve perfection is what creates a work of art.
John A. Barandon
http://steelbronze.vpweb.com
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Postby kcortese » Sat Jan 24, 2009 2:15 pm

John,

I don't have any words to express the emotions I'm feeling after reading your post. I have tears in my eyes from reading this.

It seems to me that you are having a VERY bad day, feeling grief for your loved ones who have passed. It's a very healthy thing you did by writing your thoughts. I hope better days for you are in the future. Just when I think my life suckes, I read something like this post. My heart aches for you, peace be with you, and God Bless your sweet heart.

Karen
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Postby krysta11 » Mon Feb 02, 2009 9:49 pm

Hi John,

I have no words to describe how I feel after reading 5 times already.
Like Erika said,

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:43 am Post subject:
John, this is like a poem, it's so personal and so universal. It made me cry. Erika

I absolutely agree with Her.
I respect you very much John. Our life experiences have some kind of similarity.

Big hug to you and Gloria
K
Art must be an ORDER from Heaven
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Hello

Postby rebaccawood911 » Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:55 pm

Nice man they are cute it show like a kids have done this paintings,,,,,



laser engraver
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Re: Monster in my pocket

Postby johnwalkeasy » Mon Feb 20, 2017 9:54 pm

I think perhaps it's not real. As they say
Perfection is what drives an artist.
The inability to achieve perfection is what creates a work of art.
John A. Barandon
http://steelbronze.vpweb.com
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Re: Monster in my pocket

Postby Kivan » Tue May 01, 2018 7:57 pm

Wow! Such an interesting story...
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